


Feelgood Lost

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Future, Songfic, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-18
Updated: 2005-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:46:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: post season five.





	Feelgood Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Feelgood Lost   
feelgood lost (verb) [trans.]- unable to find your way out of a great situation, a love situation I’m feelgood lost in love with you. 

The Great Brian Kinney stands on the catwalk. He is leaned over the railing with his arms casually hanging over. The men below dance into oblivion like any other night. They drink and fuck without any problems, it’s a regular night. Brian scans the club. He slowly stands, never taking his eyes over the crowd. His eyes inspect every club goer. His eyes are fixated on the crowd who obliviously continue dancing.   
When Brian is standing up straight, no pun intended, he is roughly 6 ft 3. When he enters through the gates of the Babylon exiting the normal world he is immediately noticed. He stands perfectly with an invisible crown on his head. Others stop, look, and fuck. It’s an automatic thing that needs no thinking. Everyone knows the Magnificent King Brian. His loyal peasants had always be grateful and instructed to know his policy. One time, no exceptions. Brian’s entire life has been an exception. 

He sets up concrete rules and walls that no one can break down except, him. He breaks his own rules and walls, they tumble to the floor leaving a loud THUD ringing in his ears. This rings while he builds stronger walls only to broken later. While no one has mastered the art of shattering the great Brian Kinney’s house of walls, also know as his heart, there is one exception.

Brian eyes, a hazel rhapsody, scour and finally reach his lover. He stood, shuffling nervously from side to side slightly leaning onto the bar. He gazed around the club, never looking up to the catwalk, missing his lover. When his blue hues did not find what they looked for, he closed his eyes. He whispered to himself the reason he was there, at the club, in the city, and not somewhere else a little more romantic, but a persistent thought caught him and he reopened his eyes. He ran his wrinkly artist hands through his blonde hair.   
The men surrounding him had not noticed him, had he expected a big homecoming? No, they agreed on secrecy at least until they got back to their manor. Repeating “Their country manor” let warm feelings over him.

Meanwhile, the Great Brian Kinney made his way through the crowd, stopping for no one. Deep inside he fought urges of running over to him. Resisting the need to scream out to get his attention, he walked a bit faster. His pace was almost at a run, but no one could tell, the overwhelming amount of people there crowded the club to the point of no space. The more the merrier, especially when money is involved. 

Brian made it to the bar, his waiting lover’s back to him. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around his neck. ‘Hi there.” His voice is so low it’s almost a whisper with the smallest hint of lust. Justin was startled by his arms, but settled when the bodiless arms spoke, he knew who it was. He parted his lips to reveal an authentic smile, patented a Sunshine smile. He sighed out and released the tension he had been bottling up. Taking few more seconds to recollect and resist the urge to rip off Brian’s clothes he finally spoke. “Let’s get out of here.” 

Brian slowly kissed the side of Justin’s neck. Laying these soft lustful kisses was all he could do to refrain from ripping off Justin’s clothes, yet the building bulge in his pants could not be held back. Justin turned around finally facing his lover and laid an almost kiss on him. He leaned in, closing his eyes, and pressed his lips against Brian. He opened them, but they were off center and opened to Brian’s top lip. He settled and sucked on the top. With one finally lick he was done. He pulled back and rested his elbows onto the bar top. Brian tugged on his arm, gently, and pulled on it as he started for the door. They weaved through everyone and exited without the noticing of anyone. Justin felt a hint of excitement, running off in disguise with his lover only to have no one notice them. 

They made it to the car, the ‘vette. Brian drove as the younger lover wrapped himself around him. Justin slid his right hand underneath Brian’s pants. He gently stroked his lover’s cock. Aside for the occasionally moan, Brian drove wordless. Sometimes at the red lights he shut his eyes as Justin stroked him, faster and faster. He’d inhale and then hold his breathe as Justin’s pace quickened. Then he’d exhale in a loud throaty moan. “Jus......tin,” he said so slow it came out in two syllables, then he paused. Justin knew he had reached his peak. 

Brian reluctantly pulled over to the side of the road. By now Justin had unzipped Brian’s pants down, they were open and hung low around Brian’s hips. Brian rolled his head back, his eyes tightly shut as Justin rubbed harder and harder. Justin’s breath quickened as he anticipated what was coming, pun intended, next. Brian’s hands were rested on the steering wheel now came down. With his left hand he gripped the seat, then his right crept down and made its way to Justin’s lap. 

He slid it between Justin’s jean clad thighs and gripped onto Justin’s left slightly pushing up his fingertips into Justin’s inner thigh. Justin was immediately turned on by this, but then, “Fuck, Justin.” Brian came, inside Justin’s hand who now pumped Brian’s dick letting the cum drip onto his palm. Justin laughed a short giggle that grabbed Brian’s attention. “What’s so funny.” Justin answered, “You came to my name--- first time since I left.” Brian could respond with a hetero, “I did it for you baby, or a because I love you.” But he didn’t because he’s Brian- fucking Kinney, in his most brianesque voice with a smirk on his face he leaned over. He pushed Justin’s smiling face up and kissed him.

He thought of this kiss as nothing, but it soon turned into something. He parted his lips and slipped his tongue in, searching its way around Justin mouth. The hand that had been gripping Justin’s thigh slipping behind Justin’s head and played with the strawberry blonde hair. Justin kept the kiss going even after Brian needed to part for air. Brian pulled back, out of breathe, panting. An apologetic look came over Justin as he watch Brian pant. Brian flashed him the - its okay- smirk. Justin looked at the clock it was 3.03 AM. They had left the club around 2.20AM. Brian saw this he slid his pants up and turned the car back on. Justin leaned over and placed his head sleepily on Brian’s shoulder. 

He laid his arm on Brian lap. Brian took his free left hand, the other on the wheel, and looked for Justin’s hand. It rested on his hip and he picked it up. He entwined their fingers and let them rest in his lap. It was holding hands- but so what he was Brian fucking Kinney and this was the love of his life, though he would never admit it. Brian headed out to West Virginia. Justin drifted into sleep. He fingers never leaving Brian. He awoke around 4.12 AM to Brian laying kisses on his neck whispering, “We’re here.” He kissed him softly on the lips letting the warmness of themselves linger before the both stepped out in to the West Virginian cold. 

Justin slammed the door before running towards the door. He stood there freezing and shivering waiting for Brian. Brian closed the door and opened the back seat door. He duck into the car an then reappeared with a small luggage. “Brian” Justin said with the smallest hint of a whine. “Coming dear.” Justin laughed and said, “Fucking freezing.” Brian closed the car door and walked toward the manor’s door. “You wanted a country manor.” Brian opened the door letting them both inside. 

Outside the manor was neatly surrounded by a white blankets of snow. Justin sighed relief when he felt the heat from the fireplace Brian had conveniently left on. “Mmmmm.” He went to stand over the by the fireplace. Brian followed behind him, he slipped his protective arms around him. “Warm enough?” “Mmmhmm.” Brian laughed, he then slid his hands over Justin’s pants directly over his cock. He unzipped his zipper and pushed three of his fingers in. They stroked him gently. Brian whispered inside Justin’s ear, “Shall we continue upstairs?” Justin nodded and turned around. He looked at Brian, stare deeply into his eyes and kissed him. He slowly moved down to his neck. Brian let a, Mmm, before he said, “Upstairs.” Justin pulled away with a disappointed look. 

“I promise I’ll let you eat my cock out upstairs.” Justin laughed. Brian led the way- since Justin had only been here once. But there was no need to remind him of that. The third door on the left was another guest, the the door farthest on the right was their room. It belonged to them. For them to fuck in. For them to fight in. For them to kiss in. For them to sleep in. For them, Justin forgot the countless other rooms and just remembered their room. 

“Oh, God Brian I can’t hold out for much longer.” He opened their bedroom door. Opening it to, it had earth tone walls and a large canopy bed. The sheets looked silky to Justin, but God did he not care. At this moment he forgot the color of the walls, even his name only that Brian stood before him waiting to be fucked. Brian wondered what Justin was thinking of. He almost asked. Justin attacked his mouth. Brian returned with the same amount of force slipping in his tongue forcefully. Brian sensed Justin wanted to fucked into the mattress quick and painful. He wanted to scream and moan and curse. He wanted to cum hard three or four times. Later they would make love, taking it easy going slow, letting it go on forever. 

Justin let Brian take over, releasing Brian’s tongue and letting the kiss end. Brian tugged on Justin shirt and pulled it over his head. He began the next kiss, it was wet and sloppy since at the same time both Brian and Justin stepped out of their pants. Once they were half naked Brian pushed Justin down. Justin landed on his back onto the hard wood floor. Brian wasn’t sure if this hurt him so he asked, “Okay?” between kisses. “Mmmhmm” responded between a kiss. 

Brian traveled to Justin’s jaw and neck kissing them slowly. Leaving a trail of wet kissing on his belly, then he slid Justin’s underwear off. “Ready?” Justin nodded- it had been 8 months he was beyond ready. Brian slid his own briefs off and then laid completely still on top of Justin. He paused and then he began thrusting his well past due hard on onto Justin’s raging hard on. Justin sucked in his breath as he waiting for the slight pain to become pleasure as soon as this happened he moan. “Bri, oh fuck, Bri....a...n” Brian he began thrusting faster and faster. Justin bit his bottom lip as he held in a moan. 

Eight months, like Justin thought, had passed. He spent them in his Chelsea apartment concentrating on his art. Pouring his emotions onto his canvases, until he had no more. Then out of the, fucking, blue a call. From his lover saying, “Come by the club, I wanna see you.” Eight months had passed and now this. These questions did not interrupt their rhythm as they finished the fourth fuck, it was quick and painfully and full of moaning. Justin came, and Brian came again saying, “Fuck, Justin.” Justin silently gloated as it was the third time tonight Brian came to his name. “He must really love me”- thought Justin. 

“Fuck he’s probably knows I love him now, no I told him a while back, it’s still true. I’m not thinking when I’m cuming what comes out of my mouth is not controllable”-thought Brian. By now they had made it to their bed. Justin was wrapped around in Brian’s arms. Their sweat sticking them together. Brian kissed Justin’s hair. The top of his head and his forehead. He was deeply content- not like he would admit it.   
Brian spoke,  
“How did you feel in New York.” “lost. really lost.” Brian paused, Justin had never spoken about New York in a negative way.   
“How about now?”   
“still lost.”   
“Even here with me, wrapped in my arms after we fucked the entire night, really lost?” “Listen, it’s a different kind of Lost.”   
Brian turned his head towards Justin signaling he was listening.   
“It’s a feelgood lost. I’m lost in this moment, the fucking, just being with you. It makes me feelgood lost in love with you.”   
It got silent after that. Brian was touched and speechless, but Justin wasn’t sure if Brian understood what he had just said. Brian sensed Justin’s uneasiness because Justin tensed us in his arms and pulled slightly away. He whispered the softest tone, almost inaudible,  
” I’m lost too.”


End file.
